Taking a Bite Out of the Sandwich Generation

Author

Katie Thies, CCEP - Special Programs Manager, SUNY Fredonia 

Have you ever been asked how do you do it all? And your answers sound like; ‘I’m not sure, I just do what needs to be done,’ ‘One thing at a time, but my head is spinning out of control, when can I go home?’ Or, sometimes jokingly say, ‘I seem to be an expert on what work life balance isn't!’
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Do you find yourself caring for aging parents and children while working a full-time job? Do you feel like your plate is always overflowing with too many responsibilities? Do you often feel overwhelmed? 

Well, then, if you didn’t already know, you are now a part of the SANDWICH GENERATION. Generations are intriguing, and learning about what makes each one tick, priorities toward work, how to work with each, and ultimately what they find most important is fascinating. Nothing prepares you for the sandwich generation and how crazy it can be when you find you are now also a card-carrying member of this generation. I hope this article will leave you with 3 things:

1) Knowing that you are not alone.
2) Provides you with some things to think about and tools to put in your backpack.
3) How to navigate what can sometimes be uncomfortable conversations and situations.

The Sandwich Generation is defined simply as you find yourself taking care of aging parents and children with increased responsibilities. Americans, most commonly in their 40s, are most likely to be sandwiched between their children and an aging parent. More than half of this age group have a living parent age 65 or older and are either raising a child younger than 18 or have an adult child they helped financially in the past year.

This generation faces unique challenges: Time Constraints, Financial Pressures, and Emotional Stress.

It can be difficult to juggle your parent’s affairs, appointments and errands, a child’s school and extra-curricular schedules, along with your significant other’s needs, too. More often than not, the one sandwiched also has a job of their own, which of course comes with another set of responsibilities. This is where the lines blur between work and life. We will get into that later.

If the one in the sandwich has children at home or in college that they are financially supporting and are responsible for helping their parents, the financial stress can be heavy.

Many members of this generation find that they feel more obligated to help an aging parent than an adult child but wouldn’t turn away a child in need.

A sandwich generation member also faces emotional challenges. This can be a lonely path, and at times feel as if no one gets it. Every situation is not the same, however there are many similarities, and it is important to find your support system to help you get through the day. It is also important to watch for the following signs of caregiver burnout: emotional and physical exhaustion, social withdrawal from friends and family, losing interest in favorite activities, changes in sleep, appetite, and weight, feeling hopeless, helpless, irritable or blue, and getting sick more often.

Selfcare cannot be stressed enough for this generation! And that looks different for each of us, so find out what is best for you. Remember, this is a season, seasons change, and that change is constant.

Each of us has a Lifebook, so to speak, with many stories, and that story needs to be owned. This is part of your story, but you may not be in the middle of the sandwich just yet. Perhaps, you are preparing for it, have finished it, or are adjacent to it as there is another member in your circle in the middle of it. Wherever you find yourself, owning it can help bring you to a place where it's easier to make a plan and set goals for your own situation.

We defined the generation, talked about owning your story and identified the challenges, so what about on the job? It is important to acknowledge and recognize where you find yourself, so you can make the best of the situation.

Be 100% honest, with yourself, your family and your employer. People only know what YOU tell them verbally, or in writing. DO NOT let someone assume your situation. If you aren't completely honest, expecting them to understand will be difficult. Accept your situation for what it is. This is probably the most difficult, because more times than not it happens when you aren’t necessarily prepared.

In an ideal world, this generation could manage everything on their plate, but sometimes that plate overflows. So how can we create a supportive working environment? If you are the one in the sandwich, working with one, or supervising someone, it is important to be understanding and supportive.

Encourage open communication to foster a culture where ALL employees feel comfortable discussing their caregiving needs. As a manager, be empathetic to the situation. A flexible schedule may be all the employee needs and understanding the dual pressures the employee is facing.

If YOU are the one, be sure those that need to know about your situation do, especially your direct supervisor and your human resources office.

Perhaps you are WORKING WITH someone. Be supportive and empathetic to their situation. It is temporary but unfortunately does not have an end date. Offering to take a work task off their plate or being an ear to listen may be all they need.

SUPERVISING someone may be the most difficult, because there are workplace needs that must happen. However, this employee is most likely not 100% present if there are things in their personal life that need attention. Do not be afraid to have a conversation.

These responsibilities may have potential impacts on your career progression that may include: less time for professional development or career-advancing opportunities, time and scheduling conflicts and missed workdays due to caregiving emergencies or appointments. The constant balancing or caregiving duties and work responsibilities can increase stress and the likelihood of burnout.

​Support needed now will feel different, because most likely your biggest supporters are now the ones you are caring for. When seeking support, always look for those people or places that are stress-free and help calm the chaos. This can take time, but trust that the Universe will provide, and that sometimes support finds you.

NETWORK: Ask for HELP both at work and at home. Your responsibilities may require you to be away from work or home more than usual and there will not be enough time to do all the things. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but more of an acknowledgment of your situation.

FRIENDS and FAMILY: Plan outings and keep them. It is important to stay connected to those you love.

PROFESSIONALS: There is always someone to talk to if it gets too overwhelming. Do not be afraid to seek professional help.

TECHNOLOGY: Is your friend. Use calendars, apps, and to-do lists to help you stay organized to track appointments, responsibilities, and personal time.

RESOURCES: There are many. Examples include your campus EAP, local office for the aging. Online, there are a variety of helpful sites that include webinars, and articles: Mental Health America, Care.com and the National Alliance on Mental Illness to name a few.

Once you find yourself in the sandwich, personal responsibilities increase dramatically, but time does not. It is important to remember that it will not be this way forever!

Resources:
Ochman, P. (2022). Sandwich Generation Explained: Caught in the Middle. https://www.chaptershealth.org/chapters-of-life-blog/families-caregivers/sandwich-generation-explained-caught-in-the-middle/

Grey, H. Sandwich Generation 101: Who They Are & How To Be The Last. https://www.homage.sg/resources/sandwich-generation

​Curtain, M. (2017). WHAT IS THE SANDWICH AND IS IT GOOD WITH MAYO? https://mistycurtain.wordpress.com/2017/08/04/what-is-the-sandwich-generation-and-is-it-good-with-mayo/